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Pat was walking through his field and saw a man drinking from the stream. He shouts over, in Irish, "Hey, don't drink the water, the sheep have got the runs!"

The man turns round and says, "What did you say? I'm welsh, I don't speak your stupid language!"

"Sorry, mate, to be sure! I said 'Use both hands, you'll be able to drink more of my wonderfully fresh stream!'"


Richard and Patrick were coming out of a pub in Wales one evening when Richard spotted a Sheep with its head stuck in the railings.

"Look at that Paddy, we cant miss a chance like that" says Richard

So Richard walks up behind the sheep, drops his trousers and does this business.

Richard then says "Okay Paddy its your turn next"

So Paddy drops his trousers and stuck his head in the railings......


First: Why do welshmen wear Levi button-fly jeans?
Because a sheep can hear a zipper at 100 yards.


Why do Welsh sheep farmers like to screw sheep on the edge of cliffs? Because they push back so nicely.


A young man moves to a village in Wales and gets talking to an old man from the village. He asks the old man what his name is; the old man gets very irate at this point and says: "See that line of houses over there? I built them all, but do they call me Jones the house builder? Do they hell! See those railway lines over there? I laid them all, but do they call me Jones the engineer? Do they hell! See those bridges over that river? I built them all, but do they call me Jones the bridge builder? Do they hell! But, a long long time ago, I fucked *one* sheep..."


A guy's doing a PhD in sheep shagging. He goes off touring Britain finding out how people do it in different areas. First he goes up to Aberdeen. He goes into a pub, buys a drink, and asks the barman where he can find the sheep shaggers. The barman points to the darkest, dingiest corner of the pub.

So he goes over to this corner and gets talking to the guys there. Once there he says:

* Actually I'm doing a thesis on sheep shagging, so could you tell me, how do you do it around here?
* Well we put on wellies, go into a field, and we grab a sheep. Then we shove its hind legs down into the wellies so it can't get away, and shag it.

Next he goes down to Cumbria and goes into a pub in Keswick. He asks the barman where the local sheep shaggers hang out, and he points to the darkest, dingiest corner. So he goes over to the corner, and asks the guys:

* Excuse me but I'm doing a thesis on sheep shagging, so would you mind telling me, how do you do it around here?
* Well we put on wellies and go out into a field looking for sheep. When we find a sheep we shove its hind legs down into the wellies, then shag it.

He then decides to see what they do in Wales, so he takes a trip to Aberystwyth. There he finds a dodgy looking pub, and asks the barman where he can find the local sheep shaggers. Once again, the barman points to the darkest, dingiest corner of the pub. So he goes over and asks:

* Excuse me, I'm doing a thesis on sheep shagging. Could you tell me how you do it in this area?
* Well, bach, we go out into a field looking for sheep. When we find one we grab it around the waist, hold it as tight as possible so it won't get away, and shag it.
* But, why don't you just shove its hind legs down inside your wellies? Wouldn't that be easier?
* What, no kissing?!



WELSH FRICTION

The Scene: John Trovolta and Samuel J. Jackson sitting in car talking.
(Pulp Fiction music fades off...)

S: Ok, so tell me again about the Welsh.

J: Whaddya wanna know?

S: Beastiality is legal there right?

J: Yeah, its legal but it ain't a 100% legal. I mean you can't just walk into a field, pick up a sheep and start pumpin' away. They wan't you to shag sheep in your home or certain designated places.

S: And those are valleys?

J: Ok, it breaks down like this: its legal to buy a sheep, its legal to own a sheep and if you're a farmer its legal to sell or loan sheep, its ILLEGAL to fuck sheep in public but...but...but that doesn't matter 'cos, getta loada this, the police in Wales are too stupid to notice you've got
a sheep hanging off your dick. I mean that's the interlect the police in Wales DON'T have.

S: Arrr man. I'm not goin', that's all there is too it, I'm never fuckin'goin'.

J: Nah man, you'd hate it the most. But do know what the funniest thing about Wales is?

S: What?

J: Its the little differences, I mean they got the same kinda people over there as we got here, but there they're a little different.

S: Example.

J: Ok. You can walk into a Movie theatre in Cardiff and order a lump of coal, and I'm not talkin' about no paper cup, I'm talkin' about a LUMP of coal. And in Swansea you can buy coal in MacDonalds. Do you know what they call a 1/4 pounder with cheese in Wales?

S: They don't call it a 1/4 pounder with cheese?

J: Nah man, they don't have fractions, they wouldn't know what the fuck a 1/4 pounder is.

S: So whadda they call it?

J: A (assumes welsh accent) "Ham and Cheese Sandwhichchchch".

S: A Ham and Cheese Sandwichchchchch?

J: That's right.

S: And whadda they call a Big Mac?

J: A Big Macs a Big Mac but there they call it a Bich Machch (accent again).

S: (immitating accent badly) A Bichch Machchchchchchch?

J: Ha ha ha

S: Whadda they call a Whopper?

J: I don't know, I didn't go outside. Do you know what they put on French Fries in Swansea instead of ketch-up?

S: What?

J: Coal.

S: Arrr man...

J: I,ve seen 'um do it man, they fuckin' drown 'um in that shit.