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I saw my aussie mate the other day, walking down the street with a sheep under each arm. I shaouted 'Hi mate, You shearing?' then he said 'naa mate, I'm gonna fuck 'em both meself'

I walked passed a sheep in distress on the weekend, looked like he was dying, struggling to breath!  I decided to give him "SheePR"

Q. What three lies does a rancher tell?

1. I own my own ranch
2. I do have a pick up truck
3. Honnestly I was only trying to help that sheep over the fence!

Q. How do sheep hearders practice safe sex?

A. Marking the sheep with a big X of the ones that kick!

Two sheep herders are flying the herd to a new farm. Suddenly, the engine fails and the plane begins to fall quickly to the ground.

SH1:Quick! Grab a parachute and jump!

SH2: What about the sheep?!?

SH1: Fuck the sheep!!!!

SH2: (pause) Do you think we have time?

An out-of-towner was driving through a small town in Montana and passed a restaurant. He wanted to make a U-turn, but saw a police officer just up ahead. He pulls up and asks the officer, "Excuse me, but can you make a u-turn?" The officer looks at the fella and says, "Well hell yeah! I can even make her eyes bug out!"

Q. What do you call a guy standing on a corner in Wrexham, Wales, with a sheep under each arm ??
A. pimp.

Q. What Do You Call A Sheep in wales ?
A. Fucked

Q. What is the worst thing about having sex with a sheep?
A. Breaking it's neck when you try to kiss it.

Q. What does an elephant use as a tampon?
A. A sheep.

Q. Why does a farmer wear wellies?
A. Someplace to put the hind legs.

Q. Why did the lamb call the police?
A. he had been fleeced

Mick Jagger said "hey you get off of my cloud"
The Scots say "Hey MacLEOD get off of my ewe"

What did one sheep say to the other sheep?
"after ewe"

Little Davey's father was livid when he walked around the back of the house only to find his son with his pants down and embraced with his prize ewe. "You had better explain yourself right now" yelled the dad.

Little Davey thought for a minute and replied, "Well Dad, it ain't love....but it ain't baaaaaaaaaad either

I hear they have 2 new uses for sheep in New Zealand.

Meat and wool.

A man comes home with a sheep under his arm and says  "honey I would like you to meet  the pig that I sleep with when you say you have a head ache."

His wife looks up and says you stupid moron can’t you tell the difference between a pig and a sheep. 

He  says "I wasn’t talking to you"